I've dialed and hung up six times now. Each time I hear a ring over the receiver, my heart skips and I instinctively hang up. This feeling is way too familiar. This is the onset of the depression I felt three years ago. Things are different now and I thought I'd changed along with time. Nothing about this should bother me anymore, I'm uninvolved, detached. I guess the real problem is that above any changes I've made, I'm still not open. Perhaps if I could just say what I've been holding back, I won't feel like I'm going to explode from frustration