Every month or so there's a moment that just gets away from me. I'll be doing something, working on a paper, just fooling around on the internet, when it'll happen. I'll read something and my heart will just sink. It's horrible, feeling my chest squeeze and my breath become shallow. My muscles tingle and burn, air tastes like iron and my vision tunnels a little bit. It's over in about twenty seconds; that's about how long it takes me to tell myself "You shouldn't be affected by this." And the truth is I shouldn't. I've said many times that I don't expect anything from you. Reading something like that shouldn't hurt but it does and it hurts twice over. For my own selfish reasons and then for you. I guess maybe I'm just hearing one side of the story, but I ache when you long for him when a week ago he was making you cry. I guess maybe I just don't know the bounds of his wonderfulness. So when I read something, when I see his face on your profile, when I stop in my tracks, drop my cereal bowl and realize why you weren't responding for the entire weekend, it aches. But it shouldn't because I've said I don't expect anything from you.

But I do hope.